The other day, I had a conversation with a new friend. I can’t remember how we got on the subject but she told me about a strong connection she had recently experienced with a married man. They both had been struck by the love they felt for each other yet they couldn’t explore the relationship on account of his being unavailable. She said she felt like they were soulmates (her words) and was having a hard time getting past such an intoxicating acquaintanceship.
It’s always funny how we find ourselves in conversations with the right people at the right time. She had no idea how I also have experienced this phenomenon - the soul love thing - several times throughout my life. And that I’ve gathered quite a bit of wisdom because of it. The advice I gave her is the same advice I have given and continue to give myself.
People talk about this stuff but it’s always some fluffy bullshit or Romeo and Juliet tragedy. I think we all can do better than that. So, I’ll share some of my relevant thoughts here.
My soul love experience goes something like this:
You’ve had different faces.
But I have always felt the same thing.
The degrees and depths of it have, of course, grown as I have grown.
The intensity has hit newer heights as I have raised my personal vibration.
I love you in a way I can’t logically comprehend.
You feel safe.
You feel good.
I simply adore your being.
Whether it is sexual or not, my body just seems to naturally gravitate toward yours.
The entire world appears to rearrange itself for our connection as we are surrounded by synchronicity.
You are unfathomably familiar.
Somehow you feel like home.
But… we’ve only recently met.
It seems too soon, too quick to know someone so intimately.
To pierce through their outer layer.
To glance upon them and just… understand.
And to have that gaze returned.
Who were you?
Who are you?
Who was I looking at before we parted ways?
Was I really seeing you, the role you currently play now, the small you with your name, the you existing as your present body?
Was I glimpsing something bigger than both of us - something that has existed within several different people, carried across several phases of self expansion?
My theory is that we were tapping into something beyond ourselves - a space of oneness - that most spiritual spot of God.
And that’s why the connection felt so amazing.
We waltzed right into the warm and timeless space of infinity.
We momentarily stepped into what is always existing underneath our human circumstances.
Together, we floated free in the eternal.
The soul love relationship is sacred.
It is not rose pedals and romantic cliches.
It does not always end in marriage vows and wedding bells.
There is much more to it.
We have many soulmates in a lifetime.
And you will always know it when you find each other.
Like neon orange in a sea of gray, you are supposed to take notice.
There is something to be learned, something to be dealt with.
There is great importance in this type of association.
The connection will affect you in a way that others do not.
Like staring into the most flattering and unflattering of mirrors.
The soul relaxes in joy as the human ego gets all kinds of fired up.
We jump towards each other and then very quickly run away.
Can I look at myself like this?
Can I see what I’ve been trying to avoid?
Triggers. Shadows. Past pain relived.
And when you allow for it…
Acceptance. Healing. Karma burned.
Soul love relationships force self-reflection.
The soulmate arrives with the most accurate of rulers, measuring where we truly are in our spiritual growth.
And then, as catalysts for change, they send us off to our next destination.
Your soulmates will remind you of who you REALLY are.
The you that you have been hiding.
The you that you will become.
From the ego’s point of view, this means death! It can take quite a bit of time to accept the process. We may wish it away and grasp for the days prior to our meeting. But we cannot hide from ourselves forever.
We are here for evolution.
For however brief our acquaintance, for however long it lasted, given the time and the necessary release of attachment and sensitive emotions, I am grateful for the magic in the meetings.
I feel blessed by every being who I have felt connected to in this manner.
I can love you and I can choose to let you go.
That is the nature and the lesson of unconditional love.
That is the purpose of the anam cara or soul-friend.
I know this type of love can be difficult to bounce back from. It can feel awful to be apart from someone you were so connected to. Because the separation from a soulmate reminds you of your separation from the infinite. You want to get back that feeling! That deep seeing, that immense comfort, that overwhelming LOVE. But this one person is not the origin of that love.
When you remember this you will not feel empty. You will not need to cling.
The soulmate is just another human who touched you deeply, awakening you to your power and your potential.
They were just the temporary face for what is permanently present: that love that exists everywhere.
The love which never disappears, never vacates your being.
This is your true source - whatever you want to call it: God, life, the universe, the divine. It wants you to grow into your most expanded beautiful self and it brought you another being to assist in the process.
In the grand scheme of things, how amazing it is that we get to experience this with each other. What a gorgeous present we’ve been given.
And yet, it is not always easy to accept such a gift. I have often confused soul love for human love, soulmates for human-mates. And I believe it was because I was not ready for that type of relationship. Life will always meet you where you truly are.
It has taken awhile to get here but I can finally admit it:
I would like to have a partner. I would like to have a family.
However that looks.
We can be husband and wife on paper or just in our hearts and tattooed on our hands.
We can have children - biological or adopted, human or other animal - we can be nurturing and create a loving home for all that enter it.
It doesn’t matter.
As long as we choose ourselves just as we are choosing each other.
And that is the difference between karmic soul love and a soul love companion. Both are purposeful, both are special, both bring great gifts.
But, as the former is meant to walk away, the latter will take your hand and walk beside you.
I would like to meet my next soul love - to see your face - to recognize your eyes - and to know that it is for real. That we want to wander along this plane of existence together.
I believe it is more than possible to be in a lasting partnership with a soulmate. Many of us may not have experienced this yet. We don’t always read about it. People go on and on about some twin flame chaser/runner dynamic and the torturous process of separation and reconnection. We may have heard stories of “the one who got away” while singing along to “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”
That all sounds needy, passive, and kind of pathetic.
It gives another person the responsibility for our happiness.
And it leaves us powerless to some old way of thinking about love.
I don’t want to look to the past to create my future.
I believe in infinite possibilities.
I believe in magic.
I believe in myself.
I’ve done a lot of personal work.
I think we all should.
The more good we feel within ourselves, the more we can radiate that good into the collective.
So I will continue to practice.
Guiding myself to more and more compassion and self-acceptance.
Releasing inherited and societal tendencies toward fear and codependency.
Deciding to wake up to the eternal essence that exists within everyone and everything.
Because I am doing this, because I am choosing this path, I know that I am choosing Erika in the process.
And so I am willing to look in that once dreaded mirror. To see all of myself: naked, vulnerable and perfectly imperfect. And to love her for whoever she is in that moment.
Because I am willing to do this for me, I know that I can do this with another person. Someone who is able to do the same thing for himself.
Fall in love with your life experience.
You won't need to chase it or pine for it.
Be your own companion.
And, without a doubt, you will naturally attract another soul who will meet you right where you are.
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