Here's an alternative mindset I've been practicing whenever I find myself fearfully scrambling to figure it all out RIGHT NOW:
"I don't know how it's going to happen. I don't know how it's all going to work. I don't know how I'm going to get there. But I'm super excited to find out. "
This isn't the first time you didn't know the way. Yet, somehow you still managed to arrive. This time is no different. Stay open to being guided. Believe you will be shown. Rely on your intuition. Follow the path as it appears. Keep the vision. Take the steps. Trust the process.
Yesterday I looked at the dirty plastic folding chair on my porch- the one that looks like I pulled it out of the trash - and thought, "you know, I'd really like to have better furniture out here." I've thought about upgrading for awhile but never really prioritized it as a must-do. So as I had done before, I had the thought, made the simple energetic request, and imagined what it would feel like to enjoy my outdoor space more. I figured I'd look for something over the weekend and so I went about my day and forgot about it.
Then, in a magical turn of events last night, my neighbor randomly asked me if I wanted some of his old outdoor furniture- specifically a steel rocking chair- still in great condition and the perfect size for my porch. Umm yes, please.
Why some things manifest in minutes and others seem to take forever is a mystery. Perhaps it's a combination of our readiness and our resistance levels, how attached we are to the outcome, and how much we can trust in the unfathomable magic of divine timing.
Today I will be humble. I will be aware of my simultaneous significance and insignificance as a human being. I will be loving. I will greet others with the same respect and warmth I would hope to receive. I will be grateful. I will remember the interconnection of all things, the illusion of linear time, and the truth that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. I will know that all that once existed still exists in different form. I will feel safe in my body, trusting that the natural expression of my essence is the temporary role I am here to play. Whatever passions excite me, whatever delights my spirit, whatever leaves me with a peaceful sense of purpose, is the way in which I send out love to my environment. It is my unique contribution to the collective. I will be myself. I will walk the world with patience and with ease, knowing that wherever I wander I am home.
“Life takes care of me. Always. I have nothing to fear and I have everything to appreciate. I am never doing this alone. I can walk in the world with ease, trusting that all comes to me and all comes to be in perfect time.”
This was the message that came through my higher guidance this morning when I asked what I could remember to help me move through some of the resistance I was feeling toward my day. Despite “knowing better” I had a huge feeling of overwhelm and responsibility. The need to get my plans in motion and to figure out all the details right now.
A couple of hours later, while running on a rarely frequented street in my neighborhood, I stopped to take this picture. It occurred to me afterwards that I had taken a very similar photo in the exact same spot nearly 2 years ago. So much has taken place since then. So many experiences and opportunities that came in - often by pleasant surprise - and all in a way that was beyond my imagination. Beyond what I could have figured out beforehand or attempted to do alone.
Thank you life for the perfect example. I get it. Trust trust trust trust trust...
Maybe life isn't withholding anything from you after all. Maybe it's just waiting on your readiness and relying on your willingness to change so that it can set up all the important pieces, arrange meetings with the relevant players, and slowly prepare you for the part you hope to play, the things you'd like to experience, and the way you'd like to feel. Maybe you're right where you need to be in this process of alignment. Maybe life is actually supporting you with its timing as it orchestrates - and excitedly anticipates -your eventual becoming.
Spectrum Cable called me about 10 times in a week. I knew it was going to be a sales call, one in which a bored telemarketer reads from a script, trying to get me to upgrade my Internet-only service and buy something I don't need. I didn't want to deal with the scenario but after enough calls I finally answered, trying my best to actually connect to the human being on the line, even if they came across more like a robot. After making it clear I had no desire to get cable or a landline, I figured the call was over. But then she started up with another "Did you know..." and I stopped her before she could finish. "I don't want anything else! Unless I'm going to pay less for Internet, I'm really not interested." What I wanted was to get off the phone. I think we both did. The whole scenario just felt so fake and programmed. Before we could get off the call however, she finished that "did you know" sentence. And what I didn't know? Spectrum was giving their Internet customers free access to 1000's of streaming movies and TV shows. That's all she wanted to tell me. They were giving me a gift. Thanks, Spectrum.
I hung up feeling a bit foolish and embarrassed. It made me realize how often I anticipate the negative. It made me think- what if life keeps trying to give you gifts but you and your cynicism- your fearful expectations- keep swatting them away? What if there was something good here for you? What if you always just expected something good?
Old goal: to be happy all the time regardless of circumstances.
New goal: to be present and patient with whatever arises within me, to practice self-care over self-rejection, to no longer shame myself for any ugly or unpleasant thoughts and emotions, to not force a state of being that does not feel authentic or true, to sit with what is and to listen.
Old goal: happiness
New goal: freedom
Last night I had a dream that I was running down the street; trying to make my way to the house of a couple whose lifestyle I admire. I've never met them in real life, but have been so inspired by their story through their blogs and podcasts. It's almost as if discovering them two years ago allowed me to rediscover a part of myself and the kind of life I really want to live. And so somewhere along the way, they must have become a symbolic representation of the future I've been working towards. In the dream, I felt like I could not run fast enough. I kept trying to push myself harder, but my pace remained a steady jog, instead of a sprint. I heard some threatening noises coming from across the street. I just HAD to reach my destination. I bumped into other people who crossed my path. I kept going. Kept trying to increase my speed. I had to get there and quick! And then before I could even make it, I woke up.
Sometimes dreams can be the most precious gifts of self-awareness. To attach a sense of solace or personal fulfillment to a future destination or temporary object is to forget the significance of the daily journey. It is to miss out on all the potent opportunities to meet life fully, to free ourselves through presence and to evolve through self-acceptance. We may be putting so much pressure on ourselves to get THERE, yet it is only ever HERE - in surrender to the truth of the moment - that a deeper sense of personal peace, healing, love, and sustained fulfillment can be found. The desires we have for the future are necessary for direction, motivation, and positive action. Our goals keep us moving toward more experiences of freedom and of joy. Yet, it's only in the NOW, that we ever get to feel it.
These petals fell off some flowers sitting in a nearby vase. While rearranging them into a pretty picture, I had this thought come through: Things are never as awful or as hopeless as you tell yourself they are. Difficult? Yes. Challenging? Yes. Requiring you to sit with sadness, discomfort, regret, and/or loneliness? Yes. Asking you to release your need to control everything? Yes!!! But hopeless? If you are still breathing, the answer is no.
There's always another way to achieve the essence of what you are seeking, another angle to approach from, another purpose to serve. There's always something new on its way- something just on the horizon- that you are not yet able to fully see. Trust that it's good and it will be. Trust that you are moving towards what you desire to experience (and how you desire to feel) more and more each day. Trust and then let your petals fall where they will.
Popularity doesn't always prove talent. It doesn't indicate value or worth. The chase after fame is a perpetual one, a never-ending dance with dissatisfaction. How completely exhausting.
A solution? Just put your focus on the work. Make your art. Keep following your joy. Be yourself. With or without the outside validation. In this world there is so much extraordinary existing within relative obscurity. Be extraordinary. Focus on what you're here to do- what you love to do- and do it. Have fun. And don't worry about the rest.
The time between crying "what was I thinking??" and laughing "what was I thinking!?!" gets shorter in length when you actually let yourself cry, laugh, and recognize that you were just doing the best you could as the person you were at that time.
We are constantly changing and growing in awareness. It's a lifelong process of education and evolution that we can choose to fight or embrace. Either way, it means that wherever you happen to be- it's temporary. And more than that, it means that whoever you happen to be- you are enough - just as you are right now.
So can I fly yet?... No? Not yet? Even though you gave me these wings and showed me where you want me to go and what you want me to do?... Um ok. No big. I'll just hang here in my old crawling spot... What? No, I was kidding! You ofcourse know best! I'm cool here. Juuuuust tell me when. I can totally wait...
It seems like everyone else has what you don't have. It appears as if something has gone scarce or is being purposely withheld. And while this is definitely one version of reality, there's still a part of you that knows a more heavenly perspective. There's a part of you that still holds a less fractured point of truth. And when you find this spot within, when you tap into it, you remember. From here, there is nothing that you're missing. There is nothing that you lack.
Creativity is a process. Healing is a process. And you can only ever be where you are in the process. Some days you want to do cartwheels. Some days you want to hide under your coffee table.
Either way, it's all fine. You're walking a path. Be wherever you are on the path. It's more than ok. It's necessary.
Today I lit a pink candle for love. I lit this candle to know more love, to be more love, and to see more love within my own personal life and in the world. I did so in preparation for tomorrow morning’s full (super)moon in Taurus. When I think Taurus I think stabilize, ground, and cultivate. I love the word cultivate because it means persistent action over time. To cultivate is to develop, to improve upon, to become. It implies that we are not powerless to the conditions of our lives. It means we can create the kind of world we’d like to live in.
Worried/Fearful Ego: “What can I know about this upcoming shift in my life?”
Higher/Inner Guidance: “Get quiet. Be patient. All will arrive in time. Details don’t need to be arranged beforehand. All will be filled in accordingly, all in the natural unfolding of time and events. Some days you can feel “blah.” And it is more than ok. To be wherever you are is complete freedom. To not fear is the highest human pursuit. To surrender gracefully to the love ever-present. To stand on mountaintops unafraid of the fall. To trust that the landing, all landings, will be secure and arranged for you. Let go and follow my lead. Something good is always coming.”
Ridge’s meaning: “the top or crest of something”
View’s definition: “a sight or prospect”
Crow’s message: Change, it is who you are and what you do. Transformation is unavoidable. Transitions are inevitable. Excitement and discomfort are your guides. You’ve asked for more. So let it come. Let it arrive as a surprise. Let it surpass your expectations. Trust in life’s magical and miraculous way of taking you where you’ve always wanted to go. Keep moving forward. Keep looking up.