Quick workaround in the aftermath of an emotional expectation unmet:
1) Ask: How did I want this other person to behave or respond?
2) Ask: What would that have meant about me? Repeat the question several times, until you get to the quality or underlying emotional experience desired (i.e. It would mean I am.... valid, desirable, good enough, worthy, etc.)
3) Remember that the person who disappointed you is just another human work-in-progress, doing the best they can, acting and reacting from their own fixed beliefs, perspectives, and level of awareness. They are dealing with their own insecurities, their own internal atmosphere, and not to mention, their own daily tasks. Nothing is personal.
4) Ask: Why am I giving this other being so much control over my self-opinion? Why am I giving them so much authority in MY own life?
5) Take that quality or qualities from step 2 and affirm to yourself that you already are and always have been _______ (i.e. enough, worthy, important). No one else is the source of you feeling ________. Another person can be the activator, but all emotional states of being originate and are sustained from within.
6) Repeat step 5. Every day if you have to. Be your own activator.
There are times when I'll hook into someone else's opinion of me. I'll imagine what they must see, the role they've cast me in, the identity I take on, the category I get filed into, and whether I am regarded highly, poorly, or with total irrelevance. If I'm not mindful, I can carry this with me throughout my day. I can feel really good about myself or really shitty depending on the judgments I perceive. It's tempting and quite typical to gather a self-opinion in this manner. Yet, the way other people relate to you - how they see you or value you - says a lot more about them than it ever has to about you. Allowing the possible opinion of another to determine who you are and what you can be is to give your personal power away to a temporary illusion.
There is a world within you that is beyond human judgment and categorical thinking; a place of infinite magical potential; a well of unconditional and regenerative love. It is where you come from, your first identity. It knows the truth of your being. It is the source of your power. And it is where you can always go to remember who you really are.
Resentment is a heavy weight that builds no muscle. When harbored for too long, it drains you of your power and can halt your momentum. You've got purposeful things to do. You've got important places to be. You choose what to carry with you. And the easiest way to travel is to travel light.
"Forgiveness is not about letting anyone get away with their bad choices but about choosing to create your own happiness."-Kyle Gray
Today I will look in the mirror without criticizing my appearance; wishing this or that was smaller/bigger/tighter. I will not reject any reflection of this holy body, the current home of my soul. I will release myself from the clutches of popular opinion, remembering that trends are ever-changing, that standards can be optional, and that perspective is merely a choice. I will say goodbye to old habits of self-criticism. I will welcome the euphoria of self-approval and the personal power that can only come from self-appreciation. I will recognize the purpose in my uniqueness and the miraculous magic of the human form.
And I will revel in my freedom.
Nothing is personal. How people behave is based on whatever they’ve got going on with them. Everyone has their own insecurities, stressors, triggers, anxieties, and challenging life circumstances. We’ve all got our own burdens. Light or heavy, we’re all carrying something with us into our daily interactions.
Just because someone else’s treatment of you is not personal, doesn’t mean you should ignore your emotional reaction to the situation. Spiritually bypassing a negative emotion is only prolonging the inevitable. Often the best way out is through. Emotions are energy in MOTION. They want/need to move. Whatever arises within you, face it, feel it, forgive it, and let it work its way through your system. Never underestimate the healing power of a 5 minute ugly-cry.
Everything is purposeful. Take whatever time you need to emotionally process. When you’re ready and able to, take the focus off of your reactionary self. Look through and above the situation, from the highest vantage point possible. Ask your wisest self (who already knows): what is this really about? What is the opportunity for me here? What awareness have I gained? What has this situation inspired in me? What new choice can I now make? What new energy can I be? What new actions can I take? And what kind of lasting positive change can I hope to experience in MY life as a result? Move forward accordingly.
Focusing on the good won't make you some naive Pollyanna. It doesn’t mean you are unaware or not awake. No, it means you are confident in your divine birthright as a conscious co-creator on this planet. It means you are aware of your ability to affect change and to work with the natural universal laws to make things better for yourself and for everyone. It means you know that you are magic. And you know that working your magic means reaching for the highest possible thought and focusing on the love and the light - the divinity - within all things. This is the truth of who you are - of who we all are. And it will always bring us back to a place of peace and harmony.
I used to think I had to do big things to change the world, that I had to be "someone" to really have an effect, to really make a difference. But separation is an illusion. Everything we do is a contribution to the collective. All thoughts, all prayers, all daily actions taken out of love. You don't have to be someone in order to make a huge impact. You already are. You already do.
Sometimes I forget that there is no one else out there preventing me from feeling how I want to feel. I am the storehouse of my resentments, the holder of my anger, the keeper of my judgments, the defender of my limitations, and the perpetuator of my dissatisfaction. I am the guardian of my beliefs, the thinker of my thoughts, the director of my attention, the curator of my perceptions, the authority on my actions, and the one who wields the power of my will. I am the one who chooses. I am the only one responsible for my happiness.
Sometimes I forget just how much is up to me.
Yeah, the world feels like a kinda crazy, kinda scary, rapidly shifting place right now. What has been helping me, among other things, is to think about how much awareness is being gained, how much compassion is being activated, and how many people are waking up. To think about the potency of this time period. About how much good we can really do. Even our "small," daily, intentional prayerful moments have an effect.
Despite being on a lovely family vacation, I've been feeling and processing these heavy collective energies, anchoring in the deeper truths and affirming the highest visions of balance. After all, we are co-creators on this planet of cause and effect and what we focus on grows.
I'm currently working on a resource for energetically sensitive individuals. It feels... necessary. Sensi-identifying or not, as humans we are all empathic. And it's usually when we are unconscious of our own sensitivity and natural empathic response, when we do not recognize our responsibility in maintaining our own energetic boundaries, that we get swept up in the vibration of another. We may also become incredibly susceptible to getting caught up in a collective energetic movement, especially the movements that are rooted in fear and negativity. Fear and negativity will not aid you on your mission to change that which needs changing. Fear and negativity will deplete you. You are no good to the world when depleted. The world needs your authentic spark. The world needs your hope-based thoughts AND positive actions.
One quick tip: Plug into your true source before your news source. Before you let another temporary entity set the tone for your day, set your own. Whatever your spiritual practices are- meditation, yoga, exercise, nature walks, chakra clearing, earthing, time with your pet, mindfully brushing your teeth and just breathing - whatever it is that reconnects you to your own center, do that first. Do it before turning on the TV, checking your newsfeed, putting on the radio, etc. It's important to be informed but it's more important to stay empowered.
We can't expect others to do what we do. We can't control their actions or reactions. We can't force them to awaken or understand our perspective. We can't get anyone else to change their negative behavior unless they are willing. But... we can change our approach. We can alter our attitude. We can do something different. We can change the dynamic by changing ourselves. Our relationships will always shift as we do.
Back when I was acting, I brought a "touched up" headshot into an audition. By "touched up" I mean completely airbrushed. My skin was perfect porcelain and there was not a wrinkle, line, or any evidence of sun damage on my face. After I read for the part, the casting director said, "Can I give you some advice? Get new headshots. This looks like your much younger sister or someone else. You've lived life. You've had experiences. This isn't you. We want to see you." As bluntly as it was put, I still appreciated the truth bomb.
What if all the wear and tear and wisdom that life has gifted you is what makes you interesting? What if it makes you you? What if you didn't need to be anyone else? What if you were perfect just as you are?
What good is this now inspiring me to do? What expression of love is this now inspiring me to be?
We all have the ability to positively affect the environment around us. We get stuck in upsetting news or events when we feel powerless, but our power always lies in our ability to alter our energetic expression. To focus our attention toward solution. To see beyond current circumstances. To have new conversations. To ask new questions. To create space for new possibilities. To take actions from a place of love, compassion, and hope. To encourage others to do the same. May what upsets you in the world, be what inspires you to change it.
I've never really been the type to get starstruck. Well, there was that one time I sat next to Deepak Chopra at a cafe. And maybe I was a bit in awe when I waited on Lily Tomlin at my old restaurant job. But it wasn't because they were famous. It wasn't because their names are known and their faces are easily recognizable. It was mostly because they've both left such an impact on me personally through their work. It was not about their celebrity. It was more about their contribution.
I have never understood famous for famous sake. I have always felt uncomfortable with such an arbitrary hierarchy. I have often been curious about our celebrity-obsessed culture; how and why we place certain people up on our societally approved pedestals. No wonder I had pursued a career in the entertainment business way past the time it felt right or fun for me; I had somehow confused being powerful with being famous.
I was recently told while getting an energy reading that I was here to be "the star of my own life." I thought, yeah. Totally. But... aren't we all here to do that? Aren't we all here to activate our own inner power, to shine our own brand of brilliance, to gift the world with our unique glow, to contribute our own light into the collective? We're all made up of stardust anyway. So, in a sense, we are all stars.
Who or what outside of me have I been allowing to define me? To choose my identity? To limit my expression? To restrict what I believe is possible? To determine what I am here to do or be?
Today is a good day to ask those questions. And an even better one for consciously choosing to let go of whatever it is that may be holding you back.
Today I lit a pink candle for love. I lit this candle to know more love, to be more love, and to see more love within my own personal life and in the world. I did so in preparation for tomorrow morning’s full (super)moon in Taurus. When I think Taurus I think stabilize, ground, and cultivate. I love the word cultivate because it means persistent action over time. To cultivate is to develop, to improve upon, to become. It implies that we are not powerless to the conditions of our lives. It means we can create the kind of world we’d like to live in.
It is very tempting to close one’s heart in the wake of romantic disappointment. It is very natural to place blame, to judge the other person as wrong, to get stuck in the whats and hows. To search for the whys. To feel hurt. Confused. Frustrated. Powerless.
Yet, in truth, we are never powerless. There is always something to gain, something to act on. There’s always a lighter perspective we get to choose. Our power comes from our ability to make this choice. To look through and above the circumstance. To stay open. To not close down our own hearts as a result of another’s actions. To avoid falling into the traps of cynicism. Because in being the energy of openness, in being unconditional love, we get to experience it. We get to release ourselves from the limiting confines of pain-induced judgment. And we get to walk in a gentler world of our own choosing, one of freedom, ease, hope and infinite possibility.
The kind of love that we’re usually hoping to find in relationship - the unconditional and unwavering kind- is always available to us. It’s always a choice we can make.
Making a wish is easy. But believing it can actually come true and taking new actions in support of your desired circumstance, takes openness, fearlessness, and courage. No wonder we make our wishes by blowing on dandelions, the flower whose name means "lion's tooth."
In magic and in life, there really is no substitute for self-advocation.