Quick workaround in the aftermath of an emotional expectation unmet:
1) Ask: How did I want this other person to behave or respond?
2) Ask: What would that have meant about me? Repeat the question several times, until you get to the quality or underlying emotional experience desired (i.e. It would mean I am.... valid, desirable, good enough, worthy, etc.)
3) Remember that the person who disappointed you is just another human work-in-progress, doing the best they can, acting and reacting from their own fixed beliefs, perspectives, and level of awareness. They are dealing with their own insecurities, their own internal atmosphere, and not to mention, their own daily tasks. Nothing is personal.
4) Ask: Why am I giving this other being so much control over my self-opinion? Why am I giving them so much authority in MY own life?
5) Take that quality or qualities from step 2 and affirm to yourself that you already are and always have been _______ (i.e. enough, worthy, important). No one else is the source of you feeling ________. Another person can be the activator, but all emotional states of being originate and are sustained from within.
6) Repeat step 5. Every day if you have to. Be your own activator.
There are times when I'll hook into someone else's opinion of me. I'll imagine what they must see, the role they've cast me in, the identity I take on, the category I get filed into, and whether I am regarded highly, poorly, or with total irrelevance. If I'm not mindful, I can carry this with me throughout my day. I can feel really good about myself or really shitty depending on the judgments I perceive. It's tempting and quite typical to gather a self-opinion in this manner. Yet, the way other people relate to you - how they see you or value you - says a lot more about them than it ever has to about you. Allowing the possible opinion of another to determine who you are and what you can be is to give your personal power away to a temporary illusion.
There is a world within you that is beyond human judgment and categorical thinking; a place of infinite magical potential; a well of unconditional and regenerative love. It is where you come from, your first identity. It knows the truth of your being. It is the source of your power. And it is where you can always go to remember who you really are.
Spectrum Cable called me about 10 times in a week. I knew it was going to be a sales call, one in which a bored telemarketer reads from a script, trying to get me to upgrade my Internet-only service and buy something I don't need. I didn't want to deal with the scenario but after enough calls I finally answered, trying my best to actually connect to the human being on the line, even if they came across more like a robot. After making it clear I had no desire to get cable or a landline, I figured the call was over. But then she started up with another "Did you know..." and I stopped her before she could finish. "I don't want anything else! Unless I'm going to pay less for Internet, I'm really not interested." What I wanted was to get off the phone. I think we both did. The whole scenario just felt so fake and programmed. Before we could get off the call however, she finished that "did you know" sentence. And what I didn't know? Spectrum was giving their Internet customers free access to 1000's of streaming movies and TV shows. That's all she wanted to tell me. They were giving me a gift. Thanks, Spectrum.
I hung up feeling a bit foolish and embarrassed. It made me realize how often I anticipate the negative. It made me think- what if life keeps trying to give you gifts but you and your cynicism- your fearful expectations- keep swatting them away? What if there was something good here for you? What if you always just expected something good?
I will never ever join you in your hopelessness.
I will never ever believe that things are as helpless as you may temporarily believe.
I will always orient you toward solution.
I will always indicate what we must NOW do.
I will never harp on your “wrong” turns.
I will only ever guide you back in the “right” direction.
You can choose to line up with me to replenish your sense of hope and renew your sense of purpose or you can choose to continue having the same old negative and depleting conversations with other scared, disconnected people.
That mind of yours - that “thinking cap” you wear - can be plugged into whatever thought form you choose. A mob-mentality or predominant popular opinion may be a challenge to avoid but YOUR point of focus, YOUR place of attention is always YOUR choice.
Step away from the others for a second.
Put down your devices and their constant stream of information.
Connect to me first, before anything or anyone else. Seek me out at the center of your being. Regularly. Daily. Whenever you need.
I am always here for you.
So is peace.
So is calm.
So many inspired ideas.
So many ways to assist, to be a positive contribution to the world in which you live.
I hold all the answers to your questions.
I possess the maps to all your desired destinations.
And I will always be your safe space of regeneration and renewal, no matter the chaos that surrounds.
- The Source Within/Your Inner Divinity
Today I will look in the mirror without criticizing my appearance; wishing this or that was smaller/bigger/tighter. I will not reject any reflection of this holy body, the current home of my soul. I will release myself from the clutches of popular opinion, remembering that trends are ever-changing, that standards can be optional, and that perspective is merely a choice. I will say goodbye to old habits of self-criticism. I will welcome the euphoria of self-approval and the personal power that can only come from self-appreciation. I will recognize the purpose in my uniqueness and the miraculous magic of the human form.
And I will revel in my freedom.
Focusing on the good won't make you some naive Pollyanna. It doesn’t mean you are unaware or not awake. No, it means you are confident in your divine birthright as a conscious co-creator on this planet. It means you are aware of your ability to affect change and to work with the natural universal laws to make things better for yourself and for everyone. It means you know that you are magic. And you know that working your magic means reaching for the highest possible thought and focusing on the love and the light - the divinity - within all things. This is the truth of who you are - of who we all are. And it will always bring us back to a place of peace and harmony.
These petals fell off some flowers sitting in a nearby vase. While rearranging them into a pretty picture, I had this thought come through: Things are never as awful or as hopeless as you tell yourself they are. Difficult? Yes. Challenging? Yes. Requiring you to sit with sadness, discomfort, regret, and/or loneliness? Yes. Asking you to release your need to control everything? Yes!!! But hopeless? If you are still breathing, the answer is no.
There's always another way to achieve the essence of what you are seeking, another angle to approach from, another purpose to serve. There's always something new on its way- something just on the horizon- that you are not yet able to fully see. Trust that it's good and it will be. Trust that you are moving towards what you desire to experience (and how you desire to feel) more and more each day. Trust and then let your petals fall where they will.
Sometimes I forget that there is no one else out there preventing me from feeling how I want to feel. I am the storehouse of my resentments, the holder of my anger, the keeper of my judgments, the defender of my limitations, and the perpetuator of my dissatisfaction. I am the guardian of my beliefs, the thinker of my thoughts, the director of my attention, the curator of my perceptions, the authority on my actions, and the one who wields the power of my will. I am the one who chooses. I am the only one responsible for my happiness.
Sometimes I forget just how much is up to me.
Yeah, the world feels like a kinda crazy, kinda scary, rapidly shifting place right now. What has been helping me, among other things, is to think about how much awareness is being gained, how much compassion is being activated, and how many people are waking up. To think about the potency of this time period. About how much good we can really do. Even our "small," daily, intentional prayerful moments have an effect.
Despite being on a lovely family vacation, I've been feeling and processing these heavy collective energies, anchoring in the deeper truths and affirming the highest visions of balance. After all, we are co-creators on this planet of cause and effect and what we focus on grows.
I'm currently working on a resource for energetically sensitive individuals. It feels... necessary. Sensi-identifying or not, as humans we are all empathic. And it's usually when we are unconscious of our own sensitivity and natural empathic response, when we do not recognize our responsibility in maintaining our own energetic boundaries, that we get swept up in the vibration of another. We may also become incredibly susceptible to getting caught up in a collective energetic movement, especially the movements that are rooted in fear and negativity. Fear and negativity will not aid you on your mission to change that which needs changing. Fear and negativity will deplete you. You are no good to the world when depleted. The world needs your authentic spark. The world needs your hope-based thoughts AND positive actions.
One quick tip: Plug into your true source before your news source. Before you let another temporary entity set the tone for your day, set your own. Whatever your spiritual practices are- meditation, yoga, exercise, nature walks, chakra clearing, earthing, time with your pet, mindfully brushing your teeth and just breathing - whatever it is that reconnects you to your own center, do that first. Do it before turning on the TV, checking your newsfeed, putting on the radio, etc. It's important to be informed but it's more important to stay empowered.
Sometimes, mid-prance, my dog Remy will abruptly stop and sniff the air. Following her nose to the apparent source of her intoxication, she'll attempt to walk back the way we came, pulling me with her in the process. My usual response is, "come on, Rems. We move forward, not backward. You want treats? Let's get some treats!" This is always effective.
I actually use the same technique on myself, whenever I feel the pull to relive my past or replay my worst/greatest hits. Yes, the past was necessary. You wouldn't be where you are now without it. Yet, you do not need to go back there. You can't physically go back there. And would you really even want to? Thank the ground you've already covered. Feel the spot of earth that is currently beneath your feet. And walk in the direction of your future destination, where an infinity of possibilities - and treats - await you.
I always start out making these little doodles as reminders for myself. When I feel the pull to share them I think it's because someone else out there needs the reminder too. I don't know who this is for but I hope it brings you a bit of relief and comfort. We aren't here to be copies of each other. We aren't here to live out what others project or expect for us. We don't have to live a life that doesn't feel true or authentic to our own being. We may get inspired by what others do and have, we might find similarities and points where we intersect, but overall our lives are uniquely ours. We get to draw and color them in as we choose based on what feels best to us and for us at any given time.
Your art is your art. If anyone harshly criticizes you or attempts to invalidate you or your work, don't worry. They're just giving you a free tour of their personal prison. They're just showing you around the place, pointing out the various chains and shackles that keep them restrained. Speak a silent prayer for their freedom, turn around, and then walk out the door. Their torture chamber doesn't have to be yours. You never have to stay.
What good is this now inspiring me to do? What expression of love is this now inspiring me to be?
We all have the ability to positively affect the environment around us. We get stuck in upsetting news or events when we feel powerless, but our power always lies in our ability to alter our energetic expression. To focus our attention toward solution. To see beyond current circumstances. To have new conversations. To ask new questions. To create space for new possibilities. To take actions from a place of love, compassion, and hope. To encourage others to do the same. May what upsets you in the world, be what inspires you to change it.
Nostalgia is a treat best enjoyed briefly. Spend too long savoring the flavor, its naturally nourishing warmth turns cold, inciting the inevitable feelings of sadness and longing for what used to be. But every moment spent reliving the past, every attempt to recreate what was, is only a distraction from all the delicious experiences in front of you right here and now, just waiting to be devoured. Turn off the mind and its incessant associations and be here now. Nothing is sweeter.
Well, maybe chipwiches.
And now I want a chipwich.
It seems like everyone else has what you don't have. It appears as if something has gone scarce or is being purposely withheld. And while this is definitely one version of reality, there's still a part of you that knows a more heavenly perspective. There's a part of you that still holds a less fractured point of truth. And when you find this spot within, when you tap into it, you remember. From here, there is nothing that you're missing. There is nothing that you lack.
Maybe my way isn't the only way. Maybe what I was thinking isn't even true. Maybe I can free myself from this mindset. Maybe there's another point of view. Maybe I can feel better about this situation. Maybe I can use a different voice. Maybe this flower's just a popcorn kernel. Maybe I can make another choice.
I was in Sprouts the other day and “My Favorite Things” from the Sound of Music soundtrack was playing, which is a pretty odd supermarket music choice, right? I thought so. Either way, I was really happy I heard it because it made me realize something: that song is pretty much THE answer. To EVERYTHING.
Ok. Not to everything. But possibly to every negative shift in mood. Every fearful reaction - thought or feeling.
“... I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad.”
Um yeah. Duh. When you focus on your favorite things or think of people that you appreciate and love, you don’t feel AS bad. It doesn’t mean that you ignore your emotional reaction or “spiritually bypass” your current circumstance, but you just don’t linger there in helpless identification too long.
It’s not that the shitty stuff that happened or the issue you are dealing with is going to go away but it definitely prevents the fear and negative momentum around it from growing. It raises your overall mood (energetic vibration) so that you can actually get space around whatever circumstance you’re in and view it with some distance. And more than that, you can be energetically open enough to receive solutions. Because as we know, solutions are never found at the same level as the problem. I mean, even Einstein said that.
And because our nervous system can’t tell the difference between something that we are actually presently experiencing and something we are just imagining or remembering as an experience - we can have the same emotional reaction to an actual event as to a memory or fantasy of an event. This is the reason why people say “think of your happy place” and it tends to work.
My Favorite Things. So simple and totally worth doing. I mean, isn’t that what we really all want anyways? To not feel so bad... or really, to feel good/better/happier?
Thanks, Sprouts and the musical theater lover who chooses your playlist.