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Love is most definitely not about possession. Yikes. But it's also not about projection.
If I am only seeing you as I want you to be, if I am so immersed in my own imagined fantasy of our connection, if my expectations take me on a wild ride, then I am not grounded in the here and now. I am not connected to the energetic truth of this moment. I may not be able to recognize what is happening below the surface, that there may be a very obvious energetic dissonance between us. That we may, in fact, have nothing in common! In these moments of projection in the guise of "finding" love, I am not present with you as you really are. I'm actually not even seeing you at all. I'm seeing what I want and hope to see. I'm casting you in a role you haven't yet signed on for. I'm somewhere in Act 3 before the opening credits have even finished. And so if/when you suddenly lose interest in the project, I will suffer at the loss of such a potentially important character and scramble to find the reasons why you didn't want to play the part. I'll feel rejected, not good enough, and totally disappointed yet I'm the only source of my suffering- I'm the one giving my power away to an illusion.
The causes of this behavior are varied but the solution is the same: Let go and trust that you are enough in this moment. That you don't need to force or make anything happen. That there are millions of people in the world and when a true energetic connection is present and when both parties are open and ready for companionship, things naturally progress. All you ever need to be is honest and authentic. All you ever need to seek is your self-acceptance and self-healing. Get so good and comfortable in your own being, so full of the love that is ALWAYS within you- that you can greet another person without expectation or projection. You can be present enough to fully take in and enjoy the moment. You can just relax, have fun and be free.