“I have a friend. A jazz musician. Trumpet player. Really terrific. I go and hear him jam every month or so and he plays this piece I love. An old Chet Baker song. He blows the same notes every time and every time it sounds so different. And we had drinks one night, when I used to drink. I tried to tell him how that song made me feel, how the music made me feel, how his playing made me feel. And he just kept shakin' his head and he said ‘Joan, you can't talk about music! Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.’ And I just said, ‘Well, fine, gonna get all philosophical on me. It’s just as pointless as talking about a lot of things. Love, for instance.’ And my friend laughed and he said, ‘Definitely, most definitely, talking about love is like dancing about architecture.’ So I don't know. He might be right. But it ain't gonna stop me from trying.” (excerpt from the movie Playing By Heart, written by Willard Carroll)
Everyone wants to talk about love.
I mean, I get it. I want to talk about it too. Romance, soulmates, past life lovers, magical synchronicities, unexplainable connections. All that dreamy stuff.
I do talk about it, in fact. At length. Because I possess a certain level of sensitivity, interest, knowledge, and of course, because of my own relevant life curriculum and personal experiences, I tend to attract a lot of conversations on the subject with clients, friends, and acquaintances; all mirroring back to me where I used to be and where I am now in regards to such things.
The passages from codependency to self-reliance, from fear of intimacy to empowered vulnerability, and from overindulgent fantasy/romantic projection to grounded soulful connection are not unpaved roads. There are thousands of books, coaches, support groups, and resources devoted to assisting those who find themselves on the journey.
When it comes to love and relationships, I am constantly asking my own questions as well as fielding the questions asked through me by others. Doing the intuitive work that I do keeps me tapped in to my higher guidance (what some people want to differentiate as the higher self, angels, spirit guides, deceased loved ones, master teachers, etc.) regularly. *
* We all have access to this higher wisdom and we can all learn how to tap into it. If you're interested in learning how to do this, sign up at the bottom of this page and I'll notify you when my class on communicating with your higher guidance becomes available!
There’s much more to come, but for now here’s an assortment of love-related questions and channeled answers that have come through, both for myself and for others. I’ve found these Q & A’s to be helpful reminders in those moments of impatience, frustration, longing, and temporary disconnection from self. These dialogues mostly concern the seeking of a romantic connection and therefore are tailored for those of us not currently partnered up. Yet regardless of relationship status, may the words below assist you in remembering the power that you always possess and the love that you always are.
What can I know about love and romance?
Romance is allowing oneself to fall into softness. To surrender. To connect. To be present with what is. To be in the divine heavenly vibration of love in the body. Romance is when love is expressed in the body. It is of the senses. Wake up your senses, wake up the love that has been dormant within you. This is why you crave romantic connection so deeply because you want to wake up your senses, you want to feel alive! You want to remember the ecstasy of existing. The ecstasy of heaven from which you came. And in the human structure, romantic relationships and partnerships are common entryways into this state.
Can it be experienced without a romantic partnering with another?
Yes. It would require a dedication to being present in the body at all moments. It would require a letting go of any mental conceptions around lack. Any perceptions around ones invalidity; the belief that one is not capable of accomplishing this. All are capable if they believe.
What can one do if they want to feel this elation without a partner? And without dipping into too much overindulgent fantasy?
What is wrong with fantasy? You mean, if it concerns a particular person [you do not want to think about]? Well, do not focus on one person. Focus on all persons and all things. Close your eyes. Feel your body, your breath. Feel the air around you as it meets your skin. Imagine and anticipate each breath arriving into your lungs like a lover. And release each breath like a lover too, meaning give it your full, concentrated, loving attention. Your gentleness, kindness, consideration. This does not have to be sexual per se, though it will be reminiscent.
Why haven’t I attracted a life partner yet?
You already have a life partner: your higher guidance, your soul body. [All of] Life. God as your co-creative life partner. Why is that not sufficient?
What do you feel like will be different or better when you and this other being align? Then you will have someone to adore and love and gaze at? Do you not now have many opportunities to do so in your environment? Every friend, every flower, every blade of grass could receive your love and you would be loved greatly in return as well. It is the feeling, the state of being you awaken from within. It is the state of loving. You could be caressed on every inch of your body, stimulated by the very presence of life’s immediate feedback to you - you could feel this love ALL THE TIME if you allowed it.
And yet, it is understandable that in human societies you place that job - that important role - on one other person. You call it special. And it can be. Yet, remember that [romantic partnership] is a chosen path, a well-worn one you’ve decided to glide down. There are millions of other ways to the same destination you seek.
I'm just tired of waiting.
No need to wait. You are not waiting. You are living. You are being. Doing. Capable of creating. You are motion. You are not waiting. There is no waiting here! All arrives on your timeline accordingly. Nothing takes longer than needed. All is purposeful.
Is there anything else I can do to attract the right person?
Do you need to impinge on another’s life path, another’s free will to feel the way you hope to feel? No! And yet, you do this quite naturally and easily by holding expectations of one another. Your best path would be to remember the love that is always residing within your being: your ALIVENESS.
Quiet your mind and stop the associations and thoughts for a few moments. Feel your energetic body: the pulsing, breathing, vibrating body. You have felt this when sitting and focusing your attention on your body when halting the stream of your thinking. This is love. Freedom. Excitement. Pleasure. Joy. Endless possibilities. This is what being present is. Turned on. Sparkly from the sensation of being alive - which is the same or at least very similar to the way you feel when in love with another person. That aliveness is your true goal. That feeling of being turned on and in joy and excited expectancy of the sweetnesses you see all around you - the heightened sensations, the beautiful objects of your attention dancing all around you, more and more being discovered by you when you choose to focus your eyes on them in that manner. This is the state of being in love and you can always CHOOSE TO BE IN LOVE.
You do not need another person to do so. That type of connection [a romantic relationship] will naturally unfold for you as you live your life in this state already, as virtue of the principles of like attracting like, the spiritual laws of resonance and attraction. Trust in that. But it is not your job to seek out another person as your only catalyst to this state of being. You can get there anytime you desire. You could feel good all the time if you allowed it. No one else can determine or decide your point of focus. No one else can determine or decide how you want to feel. But you very much can.
Arrive at the decision daily, more often than that if need be:
“Today I will be in love. I will walk around in constant appreciation for all that exists. I will greet each stimulus, each element, each being with a curiosity, a generosity, and a willingness to receive it and learn from it, loving it all the time, being present and focused upon it.”
Wake up your senses to each experience, each momentary touching with the nowness of the event. This is what is meant by present moment experiencing. This is what is meant by being in the state of willingness to love and be loved. Because as you allow yourself to appreciate all that surrounds you, what surrounds you will be in appreciation of you.
Love abounds. Ever-present. Always within you. Always surrounding you with its easy and gentle touch. Reminding you of who you really are and can be when you remember to return.
Release your focus on finding one mate and mate with all of life. Each breath, each step on the Earth, each passage through time: seconds, minutes, hours, days - kiss the time with your presence. Allow the present to kiss you. Engage with it. Let it love you. All else will follow. All desired human circumstances will line up. This, however, must come first. Always, forever, in eternity. As this is what it means to be eternal. To live as, with, and in love. To remember the love you always are.
Relationship Guidance for the Sensitive, Nurturing, and Open-hearted
Soul Love Clarity
A Reminder For Those Days When You Get Caught Up In The Bullshit
Talking About Love (There is no waiting here.)
My Boyfriend, My Scrunch Socks, My Sanity
Confidence v Arrogance
My Burning Bush (This is not about an STD)
Pick Up Your Sh*t. Someone Lives Here.