Observations, Ruminations, & Illuminations
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“It’s ok, you’re just trying to find the answer,” she assumed; mistaking my temporary self-disconnection and existential frustration for the uncertainty that often accompanies transition.
Was I though? How can you ever find the one and only answer to a question that never ends? The search for solace, security, satisfaction, for freedom, enlivenment, joy - is a reoccurring line of inquiry. A life-long pursuit. And yet, if there ever was an answer to the unending question of where fulfillment is found, it wouldn’t be in one single thing. Not in the lining up of outside circumstances. Not in landing upon a desired location. Not in possessing or being possessed by another person. Nor in the accumulation of purchased titles, loyal followers, valued paper, status-projecting letters attached to one’s name. True fulfillment is true alignment with the most true nature of the self. Before and beyond accomplishment. Beyond judgment. Beyond the forms that separate. And perhaps it is only arrived at through a remembrance of and a releasing into... love. Not just the sentimental, hand-held, heart-shaped candy kind. Not only the sensually stimulating, sexually activating, creatively expanding variety. Not solely the unspoken give and take of friendship nor the supportive structure of familial bonds. But the love we return to in times of forced surrender, the eternally flowing stream within. Where we can pour in everything false and receive it back renewed with utmost forgiveness. Where we can forget our beginnings and remember there is no end. Where we are truly directed. Redirected. Revived. If there is one answer, it is the continual surrender to this state, to love, to the soul, the center, the heart. As my higher guidance reminded me the other day, “Don’t close down what feels best when open.” |
